he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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