Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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