i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
