I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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