Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
