Who did Billy Mays play for?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
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