I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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