Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Yo dont text me then not text me
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
well you can't waste a boner
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
