I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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