Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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