you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
