you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
