so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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