ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
