I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
