His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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