Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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