Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
