So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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