somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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