I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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