6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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