In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
