i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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