Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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