I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
pop tarts are not kleenex
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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