So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
