I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
