Soap is not a condiment
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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