he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
