if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
