If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
