I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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