how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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