my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
