Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Someone shattered a urinal.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
