too bad you live with your parents still
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
