I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
