i may or may not be watching the land before time
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
