I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
