eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Farmville is her only friend.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
