Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My vagina just clenched in fear
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
