i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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