Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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