i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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