Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
