I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize