i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
