so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
