Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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