My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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