i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize