walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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