Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My ATM looks so different sober.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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