He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
