Cold hands, warm shart.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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