I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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