garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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