Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
