Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
