if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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