Someone shit on the floor
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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