It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
