I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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