Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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