i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
