You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
