im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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