my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
