we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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