These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
