I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize