i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I deserve this hangover.
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