That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
