OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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