We won't sleep together?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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