don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
