she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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