Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
