Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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