don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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