I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
