I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize