I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
