I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
