Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
